QUESTION:
I am a married man, in my early 20’s. I had a very hard childhood. My parents got divorced when I was a young child and I had a sibling who was emotionally abusive to me. My parents are emotionally closed people and I didn’t receive love or warmth as a child. I barely remember anything from my childhood so I don’t know if I ever received any love and warmth at all from them.
Baruch Hashem, I was zocheh to go to yeshiva and change my life for the better. But in my adolescent years, I began to feel an overwhelming feeling of dependency on a particular peer of mine. And if that friend would abandon me, I would quickly become dependent on another peer.
After I got married, I didn’t encounter this problem for a while, but after some I met a certain young boy and I felt very attracted to his personality, and instantly I became friends with him. But I feel an overwhelming dependency on him, like I need to be around him always and to feel close with him. Although I don’t feel that it’s affecting my marriage, I am suffering a lot from these feelings of being so attached to another person and I can’t free myself from how dependent I feel on him.
How can I fill the void that’s in me? Will I ever be able to have normal friendships with another person instead of becoming attached to them? Will davening and having emunah help me heal and become emotionally healthy ?
Baruch Hashem, I was zocheh to go to yeshiva and change my life for the better. But in my adolescent years, I began to feel an overwhelming feeling of dependency on a particular peer of mine. And if that friend would abandon me, I would quickly become dependent on another peer.
After I got married, I didn’t encounter this problem for a while, but after some I met a certain young boy and I felt very attracted to his personality, and instantly I became friends with him. But I feel an overwhelming dependency on him, like I need to be around him always and to feel close with him. Although I don’t feel that it’s affecting my marriage, I am suffering a lot from these feelings of being so attached to another person and I can’t free myself from how dependent I feel on him.
How can I fill the void that’s in me? Will I ever be able to have normal friendships with another person instead of becoming attached to them? Will davening and having emunah help me heal and become emotionally healthy ?
ANSWER:
Yes, and in the following ways. (1) Feel “dependent” only on Hashem, the Creator of the world. (2) Try to pinpoint exactly what the void in you is, and then you should see how you can fill that void. (3) Even amidst the feelings of dependency on the other, try to discern what exactly you feel dependent on him for, and which aspects you don’t feel dependent on him for. Then, strengthen the aspects which you don’t feel dependent on him for. (4) Gradually decrease your feelings of dependency on him, and go very slowly with this.
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