QUESTION:
My daughters (ages 10 and 11) are lacking in tzniyus (modesty), both in the way they dress, behave, and talk - as a result of the girls in their environment. What is the way to prevent this and to motivate them to behave just like all the other modest girls in their environment?
ANSWER:
On the superficial level, show them the good that is contained in tzniyus. And on an inner level [teach girls how they can] reveal the depth of modesty in the soul [Ed. refer to Understanding Your Middos_013_Modesty].
QUESTION 2: Is it correct or incorrect - or is it a good thing or a bad thing - that girls are being told in certain seminaries (without mentioning specific names) that they shouldn’t wear stockings all the way down to the feet, because this is a “street” way of dressing? Have we reached a situation that the girls are only covering just a little below the knees?
ANSWER
On one hand, a person must be tzanua (modest) by going a little bit beyond the actual requirements of halachah [of dressing modestly]. However, at the same time, if we are dealing with something that is considered to be a “modest” manner of dress according to halachah but it is in the style of the “street”, then we need to counter it by dressing in a way that makes it more obvious that we want to dress with more tzniyus, so that there should be an obvious difference between dressing modestly with how people dress on the “streets”.
It is like the words of the Rambam about building a bamah (a private altar to offer sacrifices on, in the times of the Beis HaMikdash), where the Rambam writes that at first it was permissible to build a private altar, for it was at first a beloved form of worshiping G-d, but later when the gentiles started building private altars to offer sacrifices to their gods, it became despicable to the Jewish people to build these private altars, so it became forbidden [so too, when it comes to dressing modestly, a certain style of dressing may be considered permissible at first, but later when it becomes the style of the streets adapted by gentiles, it becomes despicable in our eyes to dress in this way]. Whatever the situation, a woman should always make sure to dress as tzanua (modestly) as she can - each woman on her own level.
QUESTION 2: Is it correct or incorrect - or is it a good thing or a bad thing - that girls are being told in certain seminaries (without mentioning specific names) that they shouldn’t wear stockings all the way down to the feet, because this is a “street” way of dressing? Have we reached a situation that the girls are only covering just a little below the knees?
ANSWER
On one hand, a person must be tzanua (modest) by going a little bit beyond the actual requirements of halachah [of dressing modestly]. However, at the same time, if we are dealing with something that is considered to be a “modest” manner of dress according to halachah but it is in the style of the “street”, then we need to counter it by dressing in a way that makes it more obvious that we want to dress with more tzniyus, so that there should be an obvious difference between dressing modestly with how people dress on the “streets”.
It is like the words of the Rambam about building a bamah (a private altar to offer sacrifices on, in the times of the Beis HaMikdash), where the Rambam writes that at first it was permissible to build a private altar, for it was at first a beloved form of worshiping G-d, but later when the gentiles started building private altars to offer sacrifices to their gods, it became despicable to the Jewish people to build these private altars, so it became forbidden [so too, when it comes to dressing modestly, a certain style of dressing may be considered permissible at first, but later when it becomes the style of the streets adapted by gentiles, it becomes despicable in our eyes to dress in this way]. Whatever the situation, a woman should always make sure to dress as tzanua (modestly) as she can - each woman on her own level.
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