QUESTION:
How do we choose a Mesivta (yeshivah high school) for our son?
ANSWER:
There are certain general rules [besides for private needs which this answer won’t address]. The general rules are:
(1) What is the level of learning compatible with your son? Also, will the style of learning there be appropriate for him?
(2) What is the level of ruchniyus of the group of boys that will be there? Also, what type are they?
(3) Does the principal there understand how to run in a yeshiva in general, and what is his approach in relating to each boy – can he work with the boy according to the boy’s specific abilities?
(4) Will it be a place that your son will enjoy lingering in, emotionally? Does it have a pleasant atmosphere or a stressful atmosphere (the latter is not good). And will he be happy with the physical conditions that are there? Will it be compatible with his level and with his personality?
(5) It should be a yeshivah that places emphasis on the personal development of each boy, as opposed to simply pushing a certain level of learning. It should be a place that develops the yiras shomayim, ahavas Hashem, middos, and other important abilities of the nefesh (soul).
(6) If he is not going to be in a dorm and he will be coming home every day, see if he looks calm when he is coming home and going back, if he is calm emotionally and if he looks settled in his ruchniyus. If he will be in a dorm, try to discern if he is okay with this, and if the place where he’s sleeping is good or not for his ruchniyus.
(7) It is very important that he should really desire to go this yeshiva, because a person doesn’t learn good in a place that his heart has no desire for. Is he going to this yeshiva only because the parent(s) want him to go there, even though this place is not appropriate for him? If the boy has no desire to go to this particular yeshivah, the parents should never send him to that yeshiva. However, you can try to convince him why he should go there, if you do so with wisdom and subtlety, so that he will want to go on his own accord.
Understandably, not all the above conditions can always be met, but choose the yeshivah that meets most of these conditions, and be prepared to give up one or some of these factors if everything else is fine.
Every single case must be thought about carefully, to weigh in all of these factors. It should not be decided based on how far or close the yeshivah is to home. Rather, all of these factors have to be weighed in and considered.
(1) What is the level of learning compatible with your son? Also, will the style of learning there be appropriate for him?
(2) What is the level of ruchniyus of the group of boys that will be there? Also, what type are they?
(3) Does the principal there understand how to run in a yeshiva in general, and what is his approach in relating to each boy – can he work with the boy according to the boy’s specific abilities?
(4) Will it be a place that your son will enjoy lingering in, emotionally? Does it have a pleasant atmosphere or a stressful atmosphere (the latter is not good). And will he be happy with the physical conditions that are there? Will it be compatible with his level and with his personality?
(5) It should be a yeshivah that places emphasis on the personal development of each boy, as opposed to simply pushing a certain level of learning. It should be a place that develops the yiras shomayim, ahavas Hashem, middos, and other important abilities of the nefesh (soul).
(6) If he is not going to be in a dorm and he will be coming home every day, see if he looks calm when he is coming home and going back, if he is calm emotionally and if he looks settled in his ruchniyus. If he will be in a dorm, try to discern if he is okay with this, and if the place where he’s sleeping is good or not for his ruchniyus.
(7) It is very important that he should really desire to go this yeshiva, because a person doesn’t learn good in a place that his heart has no desire for. Is he going to this yeshiva only because the parent(s) want him to go there, even though this place is not appropriate for him? If the boy has no desire to go to this particular yeshivah, the parents should never send him to that yeshiva. However, you can try to convince him why he should go there, if you do so with wisdom and subtlety, so that he will want to go on his own accord.
Understandably, not all the above conditions can always be met, but choose the yeshivah that meets most of these conditions, and be prepared to give up one or some of these factors if everything else is fine.
Every single case must be thought about carefully, to weigh in all of these factors. It should not be decided based on how far or close the yeshivah is to home. Rather, all of these factors have to be weighed in and considered.
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