Spiritual Dependency [#2379]

April 7, 2019


If a person feels an intense love for a certain friend of his, and he has thoughts and feelings of great love for him, and he wishes he could attach his entire being to his friend’s soul, to become “his soul is attached with his soul” (as it was said of Dovid and Yehonasan), and he also wishes he could learn Torah with this friend in the “Heavenly yeshivah” one day, etc. – is this is a sign of a problem in his soul? Is such a person too “dependent” on his friend’s soul? Does this [desire for attachment with another] come from an empty void in one’s soul? And, if it is indeed detrimental, does it really come from the inner will of the soul to become attached with Hashem (and it is just that his soul has translated this desire for closeness with G-d as an intense love and attachment with another person)?


Generally, each thing is comprised of several factors. So, from the perspective of the neshamah, the desire for complete attachment stems from an entirely pure place. However, since there are lower, less refined aspects of the soul which clothe the neshamah, a desire for attachment becomes turned into a dependency on another person.

Therefore, when one feels a desire to become attached with another person, one should learn how to attach as well as detach from the person, in a cycle. On one hand a person can allow himself to bond with another person, but he shouldn’t allow himself to become completely dependent on the other. Rather, he needs to build his own inner world for himself. And it is true that, on a deeper level, the root of all issues with dependency and attachment stem from the power to become dependent on G-d, and when this power enters into our world, it becomes turned into unhealthy dependency on human beings.