Question:
What is the meaning of “ezer k’negdo”, that a wife is a “helpmate” who “opposes” the husband?
Answer:
We are taught by Chazal that there are two approaches to this. One approach is that it is only if a person merits this, he merits a wife who helps him. Another approach is that a person realizes that even though his wife opposes him, that itself helps him; just like a person realizes that “I place Hashem is opposite me always” – that when Hashem is opposite him, Hashem helps him by “opposing” what a person wants – so can we understand that although one’s wife appears to be opposing him, this itself is a “help” for him. So the husband should nullify himself to the opposition, and realize that he needs it, in order to become improved.
All challenges are meant to complete us. A man’s soul is rooted in the element of water, and a woman’s soul is mainly from fire, and we know that water and fire oppose each other. Marriage brings these two opposites together; the word shomayim (heaven) is a combination of the words aish (fire) and mayim (water), because in Heaven, opposites can unite in harmony. So too, although a man and woman are of opposite natures, they can still have a harmonious union together, when they live correctly. But without having this essential understanding towards marriage, they fall from the “shomayim” and into the eretz\earth….
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