Grieving Over My Friends Who Left Learning [#15673]

Something is bothering me so much and it takes away all my menuchas hanefesh, and it’s one of the many things I go through which I feel that there’s no one to turn to except for the Rav, to discuss my feelings. This is the question. I had a lot of wonderful friends who were learning great in Kolel and they were excellent. For whatever reason, each of them went out to work. I think it’s because they got financially taught and not because they simply burnt out of learning. But with each of them that went out to work, I feel such a loss. It’s such a loss that they aren’t found anymore in the walls of Yeshiva and now they’re in an office working, with all the nisyonos they face at work today. It’s such a loss that all they can no longer learn all day, and their ruchniyus is in danger too. They are all going through a yeridah, they are all going downhill, because they have to use Internet now, and I am certain that they’re only using filtered Internet – at least that’s what I hope – but still, it’s the end of their ruchniyus. It’s hard to speak more about this but I feel like I’m in mourning over them. Yesterday they were in the beis midrash and now they are in the working world. Sometimes I tell myself, “What’s it your business? Worry about yourself. Your situation in learning isn’t either too great and you need to improve. Instead of judging others, judge yourself! Are you utilizing every moment in yeshivah properly? Do you think you’ll be learning your entire life? Are you so sure about that?” I become disoriented from thinking about it. How can I deal with these feelings of grief I feel over my friends who left learning, and how can I stay balanced and not becoming overinvolved in the situation of others because I care about them so much?

You need to become very, very strong to your own personal portion on this world, to the root of your portion, and even more, to the portion you’ve already reached so far. That inner connection you have will give you strength and stability in your soul. Go back and forth between thinking about how others are doing with your own personal situation: Be happy for others and join with their pain, and then return to your own portion and to the strong connection that you feel towards your personal portion. That is the cycle to keep to for all of your life. This is the way – go in it!