QUESTION:
This is a question that has been bothering me and anyone I ask this to can’t give me a satisfying answer. We have been living for 2000 years with sinas chinam (baseless hatred) among us which is holding back the Geulah. Every year we hear derashos from Rabbonim that we need to love everyone, to replace sinas chinam with ahavas chinam. But nothing changes. The Beis HaMikdash isn’t here. I’m not saying there’s something wrong with us – maybe the issue isn’t us, and perhaps the issue is because we only emphasize the part of the Torah the deals with our obligations towards G-d, the mitzvos that are between man and Hashem, and we don’t put emphasis on the other part of the Torah: on how we need to get along with others, on the mitzvos between man and his friend.
This problem is not new, it has been around for generations. Even in the times of the Beis HaMikdash the Gemara tells a story of a father whose son was stabbed and killed while running up the Mizbeiach, and the father’s first reaction was, “Is the knife tamei?” And there have been many other stories as well that show how there is total disregard for other human beings. And the truth is that if you open a Shulchan Aruch, most of the halachos are about obligations that one has towards Hashem, and Choshen Mishpat is all about the laws of paying for damaging others. Most halachah sefarim are on the laws of Shabbos, Berachos, Tefillah, Niddah, etc. The Mishnah Berurah explains mostly about one’s obligations towards Hashem. Now, if interpersonal relationships are so important to Hashem, why didn’t Hashem also make many Masechtos on the laws between man and his friend, with all of the halachos on the topic? Why aren’t there are any Masechtos about middos, with detailed laws about them in the Shulchan Aruch on how to fix each middah? Then we would treat this part of the Torah as seriously as we treat the laws of Shabbos and esrog and lulav and succah and niddah, etc. I know this question sounds like I’m complaining against Hashem chas v’shalom but that’s not my intention here, I’m just trying to understand and I need to know the answer, because this topic bothers me so much. Recently a sefer came out with a detailed Shulchan Aruch on the laws of all the middos, but it’s new and how many people are learning it….? If any Rav is asked if a person should learn either Hilchos Shabbos or this sefer about middos, I am almost certain that any Rav would answer, “Learn hilchos Shabbos.” Maybe it’s true that we don’t need to spend more than a tenth of our time on learning the laws of middos, and many mussar sefarim deal with how to improve our character and fix our middos and sinas chinam. But R’ Yisrael Salanter said it’s harder to fix one middah than to finish all of Shas. So I want to know: How are we supposed to have good middos when every Kolel is learning Hilchos Shabbos or Niddah, etc. or Gemara b’iyun? Where can we find Talmidei Chachomim who are learning day and night the halachos that apply to interpersonal relationships and middos? The answers that I get to this are: “We have a Maseches Avos… we have mussar sefarim… and these matters are spaced throughout all of Shas…. Just learning Torah purifies a person… we have a sefer Chofetz Chaim on the laws of loshon hora….Learn Sefer Beraishis and you’ll learn how to be yashar.” That’s all true and maybe that’s the right answer, but I would only be satisfied with this answer if the Rav agrees to that. For now, I am unsettled with such answers, for the simple reason that the “Torah purifies a person” only if he learns it lishmah. Mussar sefarim aren’t arranged like Masechtos of Gemara and therefore it becomes understandable why this part of the Torah isn’t naturally regarded with the same respect as Gemara. Maseches Avos is a drop in the ocean compared to all other Masechtos and therefore it’s not regarded as important as the other Masechtos. We learn in Sefer Beraishis how to be yashar, but learning Chumash in your younger years isn’t enough to change us.
Maybe it’s because I am a baal teshuvah and I don’t yet understand how much learning Torah changes us and makes us into better people. But on the other hand the Beis HaMikdash is still not here….What does the Rav have to say about this topic?
This problem is not new, it has been around for generations. Even in the times of the Beis HaMikdash the Gemara tells a story of a father whose son was stabbed and killed while running up the Mizbeiach, and the father’s first reaction was, “Is the knife tamei?” And there have been many other stories as well that show how there is total disregard for other human beings. And the truth is that if you open a Shulchan Aruch, most of the halachos are about obligations that one has towards Hashem, and Choshen Mishpat is all about the laws of paying for damaging others. Most halachah sefarim are on the laws of Shabbos, Berachos, Tefillah, Niddah, etc. The Mishnah Berurah explains mostly about one’s obligations towards Hashem. Now, if interpersonal relationships are so important to Hashem, why didn’t Hashem also make many Masechtos on the laws between man and his friend, with all of the halachos on the topic? Why aren’t there are any Masechtos about middos, with detailed laws about them in the Shulchan Aruch on how to fix each middah? Then we would treat this part of the Torah as seriously as we treat the laws of Shabbos and esrog and lulav and succah and niddah, etc. I know this question sounds like I’m complaining against Hashem chas v’shalom but that’s not my intention here, I’m just trying to understand and I need to know the answer, because this topic bothers me so much. Recently a sefer came out with a detailed Shulchan Aruch on the laws of all the middos, but it’s new and how many people are learning it….? If any Rav is asked if a person should learn either Hilchos Shabbos or this sefer about middos, I am almost certain that any Rav would answer, “Learn hilchos Shabbos.” Maybe it’s true that we don’t need to spend more than a tenth of our time on learning the laws of middos, and many mussar sefarim deal with how to improve our character and fix our middos and sinas chinam. But R’ Yisrael Salanter said it’s harder to fix one middah than to finish all of Shas. So I want to know: How are we supposed to have good middos when every Kolel is learning Hilchos Shabbos or Niddah, etc. or Gemara b’iyun? Where can we find Talmidei Chachomim who are learning day and night the halachos that apply to interpersonal relationships and middos? The answers that I get to this are: “We have a Maseches Avos… we have mussar sefarim… and these matters are spaced throughout all of Shas…. Just learning Torah purifies a person… we have a sefer Chofetz Chaim on the laws of loshon hora….Learn Sefer Beraishis and you’ll learn how to be yashar.” That’s all true and maybe that’s the right answer, but I would only be satisfied with this answer if the Rav agrees to that. For now, I am unsettled with such answers, for the simple reason that the “Torah purifies a person” only if he learns it lishmah. Mussar sefarim aren’t arranged like Masechtos of Gemara and therefore it becomes understandable why this part of the Torah isn’t naturally regarded with the same respect as Gemara. Maseches Avos is a drop in the ocean compared to all other Masechtos and therefore it’s not regarded as important as the other Masechtos. We learn in Sefer Beraishis how to be yashar, but learning Chumash in your younger years isn’t enough to change us.
Maybe it’s because I am a baal teshuvah and I don’t yet understand how much learning Torah changes us and makes us into better people. But on the other hand the Beis HaMikdash is still not here….What does the Rav have to say about this topic?
ANSWER:
The Chovos HaLevovos wrote that the ways of inner avodah, such as yirah and ahavah, are hidden even from wise people. It is the same with anything that is precious and internal – these matters are always going to be more hidden. The world is called olam, from the word he’elam, concealment. The external dimension is more revealed, while the internal dimension is hidden. Our entire avodah is to reveal that which is hidden. It is only a few people who reveal quality and purity, while most people remain in the external part.
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