QUESTION:
If a person has an affinity for chessed, what kind of chessed should he be involved with, and how much should he be involved with doing chessed?
ANSWER:
(1) Generally a person should be aware that often there is certain mistaken notion about chessed is to do “big things”, like creating/organizing a very big organization, whether it is communal, national, or international. But we need to know that there are not a small amount of cases, being involved with these great big organizations actually has a costly price on the cleanliness of a person’s ruchniyus – enough said. And it comes along with many other issues as well.
(2) Therefore if one really desires to do chessed, he first needs to figure out what he is drawn towards. He should know: “What am I good at? Where does my uniqueness lay? One should figure out what his general uniqueness in, and then he should figure out if his uniqueness lays in chessed in particular. He should daven to Hashem to give him what his appropriate portion in chessed is. For just as a person has a special part in Torah, so does a person have a special part in chessed. If a person didn’t purify himself enough and he isn’t zocheh, he becomes involved in chessed even though it isn’t really for him to do.
(3) But in any case, until a person figures out what his personal portion in chessed is, it would be proper that one should do chessed only when it is requested of him to do chessed, and he should then do it discreetly and with devotion to what he is doing. Besides for this, to the extent of one’s emunah one should turn to others to offer his help, but it would be better to wait, amidst tefillah and emunah that Hashem will present him the portion in chessed that’s appropriate for him.
(4) One should always clarify what his motivation in doing chessed is. Is it coming from a desire to be good to others? From a love for another person? From loving Hashem? From wanting to do the will of Hashem? All of those are pure motivations, but there can also be ulterior motivations, such as the desire to be honored, finding self-fulfillment and personal satisfaction, being able to be in charge or in control, or a desire to fill an empty void in himself, either because he is bored or because he feels inwardly empty.
(5) One always needs a balance between chessed and learning Torah. One has to be immersed in learning, and if he wants to do chessed he can add on doing chessed, but he has to mainly be immersed in learning. Never should his chessed cause him to be taken away from being immersed in his learning. One needs the inward balance between the three main pillars of our avodah, which are Torah, tefillah, and chessed.
(2) Therefore if one really desires to do chessed, he first needs to figure out what he is drawn towards. He should know: “What am I good at? Where does my uniqueness lay? One should figure out what his general uniqueness in, and then he should figure out if his uniqueness lays in chessed in particular. He should daven to Hashem to give him what his appropriate portion in chessed is. For just as a person has a special part in Torah, so does a person have a special part in chessed. If a person didn’t purify himself enough and he isn’t zocheh, he becomes involved in chessed even though it isn’t really for him to do.
(3) But in any case, until a person figures out what his personal portion in chessed is, it would be proper that one should do chessed only when it is requested of him to do chessed, and he should then do it discreetly and with devotion to what he is doing. Besides for this, to the extent of one’s emunah one should turn to others to offer his help, but it would be better to wait, amidst tefillah and emunah that Hashem will present him the portion in chessed that’s appropriate for him.
(4) One should always clarify what his motivation in doing chessed is. Is it coming from a desire to be good to others? From a love for another person? From loving Hashem? From wanting to do the will of Hashem? All of those are pure motivations, but there can also be ulterior motivations, such as the desire to be honored, finding self-fulfillment and personal satisfaction, being able to be in charge or in control, or a desire to fill an empty void in himself, either because he is bored or because he feels inwardly empty.
(5) One always needs a balance between chessed and learning Torah. One has to be immersed in learning, and if he wants to do chessed he can add on doing chessed, but he has to mainly be immersed in learning. Never should his chessed cause him to be taken away from being immersed in his learning. One needs the inward balance between the three main pillars of our avodah, which are Torah, tefillah, and chessed.
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