QUESTION:
1) Does a couple need to sit down together and tell each other what they expect from the other, in a non-demanding way and just from an understanding that “I have a certain need for such and such, and therefore I need you to act towards me based on my personal wishes.”
ANSWER:
1) First a couple needs to figure out if their expectations or wishes from each other are proper wishes from the other, because it’s very possible that they are not being realistic or they have exaggerated their wishes from each other in a way that can’t be met by the other. It would be proper if they wouldn’t have more than three wishes from the other spouse, and they should each choose what’s most important to them personally.
QUESTION
2) Also, can a couple do this only if they already have a very strong, loving relationship with each other (meaning that they have already revealed “intrinsic love” towards the other) or even if they don’t?
ANSWER
2) A couple doesn’t need intrinsic love in order to ask each other to fulfill their wishes. They just need to have an open and developed relationship with each other, and they need wisdom of life.
QUESTION
3) And if a spouse if the more emotional type can he or she tell the other what he or she wishes from the other, or is it better not to do this?
ANSWER
3) That should be very avoided.
QUESTION
4) Also, are they supposed to just have emunah that they need to accept the other’s personality even if it’s not exactly as the other spouse hoped for, and they should just get rid of their expectations and wishes from each other? Or can they certainly have wishes from each other and they also need to work on their emunah along with this?
ANSWER
4) It depends on how much emunah they have. There is never total emunah, and therefore they can combine both emunah and expectations from each other, as you guessed.
QUESTION
5) Is the concept of “intrinsic love” between spouses expressed also on a physical level and basic emotional level of nefesh habehaimis, or is it a neshamah connection because they share one neshamah?
ANSWER
5) Regarding wishes that parents would like to see from children, they should only hope and wish that the child will act according to ratzon Hashem. They should also work on themselves to minimize any wishes they have from their child.
QUESTION
6) Can a parent ask their child what they would like to see from their child, what their hopes are from him or her? Or will this just pressure the child?
ANSWER
6) It is rooted in the neshamah and it can spread a bit to the body.
QUESTION
7) If a person is very emotional and especially around his family, and he acts childish around his children when he plays with them, but when he’s alone with himself he realizes that he needs to act more mature like an adult, but it’s hard for him to be mature when he’s around his children, how can he work on himself to make himself more mature when he feels like acting childish around his children?
ANSWER
7) He should halt himself every so often while he is around people, to return to his inner world.
QUESTION
2) Also, can a couple do this only if they already have a very strong, loving relationship with each other (meaning that they have already revealed “intrinsic love” towards the other) or even if they don’t?
ANSWER
2) A couple doesn’t need intrinsic love in order to ask each other to fulfill their wishes. They just need to have an open and developed relationship with each other, and they need wisdom of life.
QUESTION
3) And if a spouse if the more emotional type can he or she tell the other what he or she wishes from the other, or is it better not to do this?
ANSWER
3) That should be very avoided.
QUESTION
4) Also, are they supposed to just have emunah that they need to accept the other’s personality even if it’s not exactly as the other spouse hoped for, and they should just get rid of their expectations and wishes from each other? Or can they certainly have wishes from each other and they also need to work on their emunah along with this?
ANSWER
4) It depends on how much emunah they have. There is never total emunah, and therefore they can combine both emunah and expectations from each other, as you guessed.
QUESTION
5) Is the concept of “intrinsic love” between spouses expressed also on a physical level and basic emotional level of nefesh habehaimis, or is it a neshamah connection because they share one neshamah?
ANSWER
5) Regarding wishes that parents would like to see from children, they should only hope and wish that the child will act according to ratzon Hashem. They should also work on themselves to minimize any wishes they have from their child.
QUESTION
6) Can a parent ask their child what they would like to see from their child, what their hopes are from him or her? Or will this just pressure the child?
ANSWER
6) It is rooted in the neshamah and it can spread a bit to the body.
QUESTION
7) If a person is very emotional and especially around his family, and he acts childish around his children when he plays with them, but when he’s alone with himself he realizes that he needs to act more mature like an adult, but it’s hard for him to be mature when he’s around his children, how can he work on himself to make himself more mature when he feels like acting childish around his children?
ANSWER
7) He should halt himself every so often while he is around people, to return to his inner world.
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