STARVING FOR LOVE & DEEP CONNECTION [#16957]

Hashem created me with a deep, sensitive soul. My parents never connected with me deeply because they had their own emotional stuff going on, and that left me with a deep internal void. For more than 30 years, I have been floating around the world in search of someone who will connect to me deeply, so that I can come to a place where I’ll become my true self and become calmed and healed. I’ve already reached the conclusion that there is no one out there, except for Hashem, whom I will be able to have the deep connection that I crave and to provide me with the depth that I need in order to become my true self, and to be able to say what I really feel and then still feel safe in that person’s presence that I’m still loved even after I’ve expressed my deepest feelings. I know that only Hashem can truly hear me, and love me.
I sometimes feel my heart pounding and my breathing gets heavy. I tried all kinds of therapy for this, like guided imagery, meditation, focused breathing, relaxation techniques - but nothing helped me. I also cannot stay focused on any of these exercises when I have physical discomfort. I am afraid to be “in the moment” - I can’t be at peace with reality as it is or myself as I am right now. I wish I could now where my many random thoughts come from and why I can’t calm myself. Is it coming from trauma I went through or perhaps some other source? And is there a way for me to be healed…?

This is coming from your deep search for love from an outside source, which you never got. The beginning of the tikkun (remedy) is, firstly, to love yourself, truly. You are searching for someone to love you, but the beginning of the tikkun here is that you love yourself - deeply, deeply, deeply. That is how you will begin to be calmed. But your need for love won’t be completely fulfilled until you feel the Creator’s love – as you yourself wrote.