QUESTION:
1) I have a son who is my bechor (firstborn), but before he was born my wife had a miscarriage at the end of her first trimester, and the surgeons who performed the DME told me that the fetus didn’t even have any form to it. We weren’t sure therefore if our firstborn child really had the status of a bechor since the first pregnancy got very far, and also we weren’t sure which gender the fetus was. According to our Posek that we asked, the second pregnancy of my wife which resulted in the birth of my bechor has the full status of a bechor and we were allowed even to make a blessing over his Pidyon HaBen, though at first he wasn’t sure if we should make a berachah over him, and after reviewing all the documents about the DME, the Posek concluded that the first pregnancy wasn’t substantial enough to classify the fetus as being a child yet, and therefore our son has the full status of a bechor, a firstborn child, and therefore the miscarriage did not have any status of being a child yet.
I am aware that when I had the fetus buried through the Chevra Kadisha, they told me that they marked a monument by the buried fetus with “Tinok (baby) ben…(my name).” They told me where the cemetery is and I forgot where it is, but I can find out, and my question is: Should I go daven there by the grave they buried him in? I felt a connection to this unborn child of mine who was nothing more than an undeveloped fetus, because I still feel that there was a soul here who would have become my child had there not been a miscarriage. What can I do as a zechus for my unborn child? Should I just “move on” as everyone is telling me to do and not think about this? My heart isn’t at peace with this. What should I do, practically speaking?
I am aware that when I had the fetus buried through the Chevra Kadisha, they told me that they marked a monument by the buried fetus with “Tinok (baby) ben…(my name).” They told me where the cemetery is and I forgot where it is, but I can find out, and my question is: Should I go daven there by the grave they buried him in? I felt a connection to this unborn child of mine who was nothing more than an undeveloped fetus, because I still feel that there was a soul here who would have become my child had there not been a miscarriage. What can I do as a zechus for my unborn child? Should I just “move on” as everyone is telling me to do and not think about this? My heart isn’t at peace with this. What should I do, practically speaking?
ANSWER:
Your main element is “water” and it is currently impaired, and that is why the “first offspring” of yours fell. The tikkun (repair) should be to repair your “element of water” (refer to the “4 Elements” series of “Fixing Your Water”) and do not be busy with trying to give a tikkun to the material aspects here. Instead, be involved in the tikkun of repairing your element of water, for that is where your portion lays.
QUESTION
2) Will my unborn fetus get up in the future at techiyas hameisim? And if he does, will he become my bechor (firstborn son) and then my current bechor won’t be the bechor anymore?
ANSWER
The fetus was not simply an unborn child who will get up in the future as your child. Rather, the fetus was a gilgul, a soul reincarnation, who came down temporarily as a fetus in order to bring about a certain tikkun (repair). The fetus will arise in his/her original form that has now been repaired.
You should not be thinking that much about what will be in the future when this unborn fetus arises again, because this is over-involvement in a prat, a private detail related to you as an individual, and the Geulah is when all peratiyos “private details” of being a private individual will cease, as Eliyahu HaNavi said and which is cited in the Gemara. Therefore, being involved with this and thinking about it would only be a fall [it would just be a waste of time and a self-absorption].
QUESTION
2) Will my unborn fetus get up in the future at techiyas hameisim? And if he does, will he become my bechor (firstborn son) and then my current bechor won’t be the bechor anymore?
ANSWER
The fetus was not simply an unborn child who will get up in the future as your child. Rather, the fetus was a gilgul, a soul reincarnation, who came down temporarily as a fetus in order to bring about a certain tikkun (repair). The fetus will arise in his/her original form that has now been repaired.
You should not be thinking that much about what will be in the future when this unborn fetus arises again, because this is over-involvement in a prat, a private detail related to you as an individual, and the Geulah is when all peratiyos “private details” of being a private individual will cease, as Eliyahu HaNavi said and which is cited in the Gemara. Therefore, being involved with this and thinking about it would only be a fall [it would just be a waste of time and a self-absorption].
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