QUESTION:
I have a desire to appear beautiful. If Hashem has caused me, and other women as well, to want to look beautiful, if Hashem has made this desire so important to us, then there has to be a good reason for this. It seems that our desire to look beautiful is not only so that we will look beautiful to our husbands, it’s more than that. It’s because we want to look beautiful for ourselves. I know that there’s a lot of negative outcomes of running after beautifying ourselves, that it’s a longing for something that’s not possible and that it’s a waste of precious time and that it involves doing a lot of things that aren’t ratzon Hashem. Also, looks are a social need that we feel and it’s not something that will stay with us forever. But what is the proper way to view this desire that women have to look beautiful? I exercise regularly not only because I want to be healthy but so that I can look good, and not only so that I can look good for my husband, but so that I can feel good about myself when I know that I look good. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is this a part of myself that I should embrace or try to root out?
ANSWER:
The Torah describes how Sarah and Rochel were beautiful, that they had a pleasing appearance. This was really because their deeds were beautiful, as our Sages said. Internal, spiritual beauty can spread to become physical beauty. This is the trait of Tiferes (beauty) and Hod (splendor). However, the desire to be physically beautiful without striving to have inward beauty is a desire for This World. The true, inner desire of a person to appear beautiful is a desire that the the inner beauty of one’s neshamah should be seen even outwardly, a desire for one’s inner beauty to become manifest as physical beauty on them that can be seen.
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