QUESTION:
The Rav has said that if we want to work on hisbodedus, we must make our ratzon (will) to do hisbodedus into our strongest ratzon. If I have a ratzon that my husband should feel better, does that mean that my ratzon for hisbodedus will not be my strongest ratzon?
ANSWER:
A wife’s desire for her husband to be healthier is a physical will, because it is material-related. Having a ratzon for hisbodedus is a deep ratzon that comes from the neshamah. What needs to become your strongest ratzon – the deep ratzon of the neshamah, or any other ratzon you have that is related to the material world? While it is very important for you to want your husband to be healthy, it is not a ratzon that comes from the neshamah [hence your desire for hisbodedus should be stronger].
QUESTION
I don’t understand. The reason I want my husband to be healthy is not a material kind of will – it is touching on more a spiritual kind of will.
ANSWER
It may be touching upon the spiritual, but it is not your actual spirituality. Let’s take for example a case where a woman has a husband who is not that G-d fearing. Does this mean that she will be prevented from building her own inner world? Certainly, she is still able to [regardless of her husband’s situation]. A woman’s husband is certainly a very important aspect of her life, but her relationship with her husband does not define her inner world and her personal avodas Hashem. She has a unique, spiritual individuality of her own to develop. Certainly it will be more complete if a woman builds her spiritual world together with her husband, but it doesn’t depend on that. Even when the husband is physically ill, a woman can continue to grow in her own spiritual world that she can build for herself. There is an inner point that exists in every person’s soul, by which every person can recognize that there is an inner world of our own to develop. From developing one’s own internal world, one can also influence others, and certainly the first person a woman will be influencing is her husband [but before being able to influence, a woman must first develop her own inner world, for her inner world exists independently from her husband’s].
QUESTION
I don’t understand. The reason I want my husband to be healthy is not a material kind of will – it is touching on more a spiritual kind of will.
ANSWER
It may be touching upon the spiritual, but it is not your actual spirituality. Let’s take for example a case where a woman has a husband who is not that G-d fearing. Does this mean that she will be prevented from building her own inner world? Certainly, she is still able to [regardless of her husband’s situation]. A woman’s husband is certainly a very important aspect of her life, but her relationship with her husband does not define her inner world and her personal avodas Hashem. She has a unique, spiritual individuality of her own to develop. Certainly it will be more complete if a woman builds her spiritual world together with her husband, but it doesn’t depend on that. Even when the husband is physically ill, a woman can continue to grow in her own spiritual world that she can build for herself. There is an inner point that exists in every person’s soul, by which every person can recognize that there is an inner world of our own to develop. From developing one’s own internal world, one can also influence others, and certainly the first person a woman will be influencing is her husband [but before being able to influence, a woman must first develop her own inner world, for her inner world exists independently from her husband’s].
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