FRIENDS WHO DON’T REMEMBER ME [#17955]

Sometimes it will happen that I meet a friend whom I haven’t seen in years, and we had a warm friendship that was a bit deep – just as with any friendship made in Yeshivah, in which we’re connected together through Torah and avodah – and now, after having parted ways for several years, we meet again, and I go over to say hello – and the other doesn’t even remember me. He barely remembers my name. He says “I’m sorry….but what’s your name again?” This has happened more than once, and recently this even happened with a friend who came to my wedding, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, and then when I met him and I greeted him warmly, he forgot who I was! He didn’t even know my name anymore! And he had been such a good friend of mine! On an another occasion, a good friend of mine was talking to me and he suddenly asked me, “What yeshiva did you learn in again…” I was bewildered at how he could forget which yeshivah I learned in, if we were such close friends. I felt like maybe he just pretends to be my friend, because how can a good friend forget such a thing? And I also know of a Rosh Yeshivah who forgot his talmid’s name even though he knew him and had been very close to him. There’s a lot to say about each of the stories and they are each bringing up different points, but what I mainly want to know is:
(1) What causes this? Why does this happen? (2) How can I get over the hurt that I feel when an old friend of mine doesn’t remember me or forgot my name, and this makes me feel like we were never friends in the first place? (3) Is this all a message to me that we live in a world of falsity and there is only one true connection we can have, which is our relationship with Hashem? If yes, then how should a person view his friends, especially those whom he had a deep connection with?

(1) Your relationships with others are a ‘one-way-street’. You perceive relationships on a much deeper level than most people do – and that is why you are suffering so much for all of your life. You need to channel your need for deep connection towards having a deep relationship with Hashem and to Klal Yisrael. You should not make your life dependent on any certain person, because in most situations this only leads to disappointment in others. (2) In addition to the above, you need to change your perspective towards how you need to relate to others in general, not just how you relate to this individual person or that individual person. What is needed here is for you to change your perspective towards relationships entirely. (3) To save yourself from pain, there is external and internal work to do. On the external level, set certain boundaries to your relationships [only allow yourself to connect to another to a certain extent]. At the inner level, realize that all souls of the Jewish people are bound with each other completely. There are only rare instances where one remains deeply connected to another person, but this is only a minority. Most relationships/friendships are not strong enough [to withstand the test of time]. Now, if your 2 closest friends in your life would have forgotten you, your feelings of abandonment would make more sense. But you are having the same reaction to those who weren’t even of your closest friends, and therefore you need to change your approach, by placing boundaries on how much you allow yourself to deeply connect to others.