ANXIETY FROM MY ASPIRATIONS [#18687]

I am full of idealism and aspirations to grow. I am very ambitious to always want to grow higher. Yet all my aspirations don’t amount to anything, and I’m always full of fears and anxieties because of it. I don’t feel serene and calm, I just always want to grow higher. And I never really get anywhere, but I keep aspiring, and then I’m full of anxiety again, and the cycle repeats. I also don’t know what I should be learning and how to learn in a way that makes me calm and happy and serene while also applying myself and fulfilling goals. I can’t seem to strike the balance.
(1) Why does all of my idealism create anxiety from me, if we are supposed to want to grow higher in ruchniyus? (2) Which “element” in the soul does this all come from? What do I need to do to help myself? (3) How can I help my learning?

(1) Because you keep aspiring, but you are not connected. That is why you aren’t serene. Aspirations for more growth create constant movement in your soul, depleting of you of your serenity. The more you become connected to what you are doing, the less anxiety you will have about all your aspirations. It would be important for you to have some time every day when you connect to your cheilek (to what you love doing).
(2) This is coming from your dominant element of “fire.” You need to write down what you have so far achieved until today, and then be happy with it, allowing yourself to become connected to your achievements. You should do this every day. Become connected to your intellectual, thinking abilities.
(3) Primarily, learn Gemara with iyun, starting from the Gemara and down to learning the actual halachah.