QUESTION:
Ever since I was a child I have had such difficult emotional suffering. I never felt serene in my mind for even one day of my life. I had it very well though from others and pretend that I’m not suffering inside, because my life is enough of a Gehinom (purgatory) and I don’t need to add to it but turning off other people with my negativity which would make then avoid me and then I would be living a double Gehinom on this world. So many times I feel so discouraged that even when I daven it’s all just on autopilot. I can’t find the calmness to just sit down and learn. It’s also very hard for me to separate even a bit from permitted taavah (physical desires). My life is basically on autopilot, I live like a robot. Yet my heart is sick inside me because I know all that’s bothering me is all worthless and imaginary, and still even though I know this, I can’t find any inner peace.
ANSWER:
Every day, do at least one thing amidst a feeling of simchah (joy) and chiyus (energy), and from being deeply connected to what you are doing. And, with any moment of the day when you do feel serenity in your mind, be happy with each of these serene moments.
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