QUESTION:
QUESTION 1) How can we know what Hashem wants?
ANSWER:
When it comes to anything to do with halachah, you have to first clarify what the halachah is, and the halachah rules to us what the ratzon Hashem is. When the halachah about something isn’t clear though, it is not possible to know for sure what the will of Hashem is. When it comes to those areas, one should figure out what he wants personally - and then he should do the opposite of what he wants. This subjugates the evil motivations in oneself, purifying him more and removing the kelipah (shell) of his personal wishes which are preventing him from doing the will of Hashem. When that kelipah is removed, a person senses what the will of Hashem is.
QUESTION 2) I feel like every day I need to be doing teshuvah for not having enough kavanah in davening and for bittul Torah. I feel deep down that I’m a laughingstock. What should be my attitude about this?
ANSWER These areas (kavanah by davening and bittul Torah) always need teshuvah. R’ Saadya Gaon wrote a famous response in which he said that because he has reached a higher level and he understands more now, he needs to teshuvah for all the avodah he did on the level he was on until now. The proper way to go about this is that every day, one should try to do better than yesterday, and not to become fazed from failures. As time goes on, one needs to see if he is getting better. If yes, then he can know that he’s going in the right way. If no, then he needs to do teshuvah. As Rabbeinu Yonah says, when one is going in a path that is not good, he needs to do teshuvah. This means that he needs to look for the proper way that will be good for him personally.
QUESTION 3) Is it okay if a 15-year old bochur wants to fast in order to atone for any aveiros, at least by fasting for half a day until chatzos?
ANSWER The rule is, usually not. Sometimes there can be exceptions to a rule.
QUESTION 4) The Rav says that one should choose a path of serving Hashem by “purifying the heart”, which shows the way for the person to know how to serve Hashem. How can I know what “purifying the heart” is and how to do it?
ANSWER By connecting to your purest, innermost desire according to the current level you are on.
QUESTION 5) The Rambam says that the mitzvah to fear Hashem means to “fear punishment”, but the Mesillas Yesharim says that fear of punishment is not true yirah, for true yirah is yiras haromemus, to have a sense of awe from Hashem’s exaltedness. Why then does the Torah speak more about fear of punishment and not about yiras haromemus?
ANSWER Refer to commentary of Kinas Sofrim on Sefer HaMitzvos which discusses this.
QUESTION 6) Is fear of punishment the way to get to yiras haromemus? Or can a person directly reach yiras haromemus even without first working on fear of punishment?
ANSWER If you are working your way upwards, begin from fear of punishment, and if you are beginning from the highest point and working your way downwards, begin from yiras haromemus. In any case, though, a person needs both levels of yirah – fear of punishment, and awe of Hashem’s exaltedness. It is only a question of which level a person should begin with.
QUESTION 7) How indeed do we reach yiras haromemus? What do we contemplate in order to reach it, and how much time does one need to think about it?
ANSWER The Rambam says to contemplate how great the Creator is, by seeing how wondrous the Creation is, and how great the Torah is, and how the Torah is the wisdom of the Creator. This contemplation should be done for a few minutes a day.
QUESTION 8) What should a person learning during Bein HaSedorim (in between study sessions during yeshiva)? To learn Daf Yomi, or to make a seder of learning with more b’iyun without trying to cover more ground? And if it should be iyun, what is called learning b’iyun?
ANSWER This is relative to each person.
QUESTION 9) How can a person have more cheishek (desire and enthusiasm) when serving Hashem, especially at times where he doesn’t feel that much cheishek?
ANSWER Always identify the cheishek that you do have, whether it’s a lot or a little. Then connect to the amount of cheishek that you currently have. In this way you can always have some cheishek, and it will be like “A fire shall burn constantly within me”, and you will be able to summon forth cheishek at times when you need to. At times you need to increase your cheishek through learning sefarim that make you excited, or through contemplating something, or through repeating pesukim (verses) with a loud voice, and sometimes in a weeping tone. It all depends on the situation.
QUESTION 10) For how much time a day should a person learn mussar?
ANSWER Between a half hour an hour a day.
QUESTION 11) What is a good sefer to learn on the Parsha?
ANSWER This is different for each individual.
QUESTION 12) The Rambam said that if one lives in a city of wicked people, he should go live in the deserted places, and the Chazon Ish said (in his times) that the yeshivos are considered like the “desert” to go live in today to be protected from the world. What about in today’s generation, where even in yeshivah a person needs to find a “desert” to escape to because there can be guys in yeshivah who are a bad influence? How can a person keep his distance from bad company in yeshiva if he’s around them all day? I think that ever since first grade, there are so many bad influences I’ve learned from others that I certainly was brought down from it. How should a person act with his friends in yeshivah in general?
ANSWER Find 1 or 2 friends who are close to your way of thinking – and then form a close, deep relationship with them. With everyone else, you just need to be respectful and pleasant towards them.
QUESTION 13) Does a person need to be with a chevra (a social circle of friends)? Or is this not really necessary?
ANSWER The world was created for companionship, and by our very human design, we need to connect with others. We need to become connected with our own self, and with others, and with the Torah, and with Hashem, and with the whole of Creation. Every person needs a balance between all of these different connections.
QUESTION 14) When learning Gemara, especially chazarah (reviewing), should a person first read the Gemara and try to understand and speak out every part of the Gemara to himself even if he already knows it? Or can he just read the Gemara and understand it mentally without ‘speaking it out’?
ANSWER The first time you are learning the Gemara, it is always better to explain it to yourself [verbally]. When it comes to reviewing one’s learning, though, every person is different.
QUESTION 15) Should a person avoid reading the various booklets of Divrei Torah (i.e. Parsha sheets or papers of chiddushei Torah) and instead just be focused on learning Gemara? Or maybe a person should read them so that he can get chizuk in his avodas Hashem?
ANSWER It’s better to get chizuk by learning an organized sefer where each chapter is based on the one before it. But sometimes a person needs to relax, so sometimes he needs to get chizuk from glancing every so often at weekly pamphlets of Divrei Torah.
QUESTION 16) What can a person do to better remember what he learns? I forget my learning very easily.
ANSWER The main thing is to become purified – the Hebrew word for “pure” is zach, equal to 27, the same amount as the 27 letters of the Aleph Beis, because through becoming “purified”, the letters of the Torah that one learns to leave an impression on him. Currently you should first try to understand well what you learn, then review what you learn, and also make sure to develop a love for the Torah in general and a love for knowledge of the Torah specifically.
QUESTION 17) Is there a concept of finishing Shas by a certain age (i.e. before the chasunah)?
ANSWER Yes.
QUESTION 18) Is it true that something is always either a mitzvah or an aveirah but there’s no such thing as something that’s “in between”, not a mitzvah and not an aveirah? And why does a person need to undergo the suffering of the “beating of the grave” for having enjoyed permissible desires, if those desires weren’t an aveirah?
ANSWER Since we have a mitzvah of “And you shall be holy”, we are supposed to separate ourselves even from permissible desires, as the Ramban explained. The “beating in the grave” is needed to purify a person even from permissible desires even if he needed to engage in those desires because he didn’t engage in those desires l’sheim shomayim – for example, times when he needed to eat, but he didn’t eat l’sheim shomayim.
QUESTION 19) If someone comes to me to tell me about a difficult situation he is having or he tells me something not good that happened to him, how should I react to him? Give him chizuk that it’s all for the good? Or to validate his pain and tell him I really feel for what you’re going through?
ANSWER First identify with him in his pain, and after that strengthen his emunah that everything that happens is all for the good.
QUESTION 20) Is it correct to say that the purpose of why we all came onto the world is to reveal the honor of Heaven?
ANSWER The purpose is the complete revelation of Hashem on the world, and part of it is to reveal the honor of Heaven.
QUESTION 21) How can we make Shabbos more elevated and to utilize it properly?
ANSWER To become intrinsically connected with what Shabbos is. It is recommended to learn sefer Shabbos Malkesa and sefer Daas Shabbos.
QUESTION 22) Is it okay to use Otzar HaChochmah even if it’s not connected to Internet, or should a person avoid this?
ANSWER It is permitted, but it is better to use it only when necessary, and that is especially true for younger bochurim.
QUESTION 23) The Mesillas Yesharim (231:2) quotes the practice of pious people who, before they would eat, they would say “I am going to eat in order to be healthy and strong to serve Hashem.” Should a person say this even if that’s not his intention?
ANSWER He should be aware that this is only partially his intention, and he should be aware that he has other intentions too when he eats. Then he should say that he is eating now to serve Hashem better, with intention that he wants this motivation to increase.
QUESTION 24) How can a person serve Hashem all the time with excitement?
ANSWER Most people do not have to serve Hashem with excitement all the time. A person usually needs to go back and forth, ratzu v’shov, between serving Hashem with excitement and serving Hashem calmly, in a cycle.
QUESTION 25) How can a person have both a love and fear of Hashem? If I love Hashem and I know that He loves me too, how can I be afraid of Him at the same time, if loving and fearing Him are a contradiction?
ANSWER It is like when a father loves his child, but he also has to punish sometimes. That is the attitude to have towards fear of punishment.
QUESTION 26) How can we firmly establish a feeling of loving Hashem on a constant basis?
ANSWER You may refer to the series of Maarrachot B’Ahavas Hashem.
QUESTION 27) When reviewing what I learn, what is the balance of how much to spend on first learning it and how much to spend on reviewing it?
ANSWER About an hour a day should be spent on reviewing what one learned, and one should also review during Bein HaZemanim, Erev Shabbos, and Shabbos.
QUESTION 28) The Shelah HaKadosh says that on Shabbos one should taste good food, does this mean to taste each of the foods on the Shabbos table or to just at a little more than the rest of the week?
ANSWER He should act according to his physical and emotional needs.
QUESTION 29) When a person sets aside time for hisbodedus, should he be davening for what he needs or should he be thanking Hashem for what he has? And does a person need to be totally alone when he does hisbodedus or can he do it around people?
ANSWER During hisbodedus a person should first thank Hashem for the past and then he should yell to Hashem about what he needs. It is possible to do hisbodedus when one is among others, but only if it is not recognizable to others and he is paying attention to others.
QUESTION 30) How can a person be very focused when he is learning and not get carried away in his mind about thinking about other things?
ANSWER He should stop trying to pressure himself to shut his mind out from everything. When his mind does wander, he should immediately return his thoughts again to what he was in middle of learning, and he not should think about the fact that he spaced out again.
ANSWER 31) I didn’t understand what the Rav said that before a person is about to start learning Gemara, he should think that he wants to connect his mind and heart to the true level of Torah. What is the true level of Torah?
ANSWER See Nefesh HaChaim shaar 4.
QUESTION 32) When others come to me to ask me questions while I’m learning, do I only need to answer them if I can easily return to my learning and not lose out on my own learning?
ANSWER Only if you can easily return to an inner calmness, to your personal share, and to your connection to Torah and to Hashem.
QUESTION 33) When a person makes a siyum on a Masechta he finished, does he need to make a Siyum publicly or can he do it alone? I’m shy to do things in public.
ANSWER Once every so often, make a Siyum publicly.
QUESTION 34) What are the “12 ways of serving Hashem”?
ANSWER That is a very expansive topic! Refer to the series of Rosh Chodesh (Avodah, Essence, Mazal, Tribe).
QUESTION 35) For a week, I practiced the avodah of thinking about how there is a Creator and there are His creations, after every half hour interval of the day. I felt how it was a really amazing kind of thought, but suddenly after the week was over I couldn’t remember it anymore, and even when I reminded myself of it, it felt dry and superficial. How can I make such thinking more exciting?
ANSWER Besides for that half-hour a day of daily contemplation, you also need to set aside daily time every day to talk Hashem simply and from the depth of your heart. Throughout the day as well, speak to Hashem mentally, and thanking Him and davening to Him, etc.
QUESTION 36) How can I feel like I’m standing in front of Hashem throughout all of Shemoneh Esrei? I can only think of it for half a minute and after that my mind wanders. And, how can I become more connected to davening?
ANSWER For now, this is enough, because if you try to grab too much you will only gain very little.
QUESTION 37) Is the Rav taking a certain path in avodas Hashem or is the Rav combining all the different paths together into one path? (And if it’s all a certain path in avodas Hashem, why did the Rav choose this particular path?)
ANSWER A combination of paths, which reveals a fundamental, root path.
QUESTION 38) Can a person be at peace with all of the ways of serving Hashem and take all of them? Or does each individual need to choose particular path in avodas Hashem that suits him?
ANSWER Each individual needs to choose the particular path in avodas Hashem that suits him.
QUESTION 39) What is the proper way to go about going to an Oneg Shabbos? How can a person know if he grew more in his ruchniyus from an Oneg Shabbos? How can a person know before he goes if he will grow from it or if he is just wasting him time going?
ANSWER Don’t examine every time. Instead, when Shabbos is over, try to discern if you grew or didn’t grow, from the Oneg Shabbos.
QUESTION 2) I feel like every day I need to be doing teshuvah for not having enough kavanah in davening and for bittul Torah. I feel deep down that I’m a laughingstock. What should be my attitude about this?
ANSWER These areas (kavanah by davening and bittul Torah) always need teshuvah. R’ Saadya Gaon wrote a famous response in which he said that because he has reached a higher level and he understands more now, he needs to teshuvah for all the avodah he did on the level he was on until now. The proper way to go about this is that every day, one should try to do better than yesterday, and not to become fazed from failures. As time goes on, one needs to see if he is getting better. If yes, then he can know that he’s going in the right way. If no, then he needs to do teshuvah. As Rabbeinu Yonah says, when one is going in a path that is not good, he needs to do teshuvah. This means that he needs to look for the proper way that will be good for him personally.
QUESTION 3) Is it okay if a 15-year old bochur wants to fast in order to atone for any aveiros, at least by fasting for half a day until chatzos?
ANSWER The rule is, usually not. Sometimes there can be exceptions to a rule.
QUESTION 4) The Rav says that one should choose a path of serving Hashem by “purifying the heart”, which shows the way for the person to know how to serve Hashem. How can I know what “purifying the heart” is and how to do it?
ANSWER By connecting to your purest, innermost desire according to the current level you are on.
QUESTION 5) The Rambam says that the mitzvah to fear Hashem means to “fear punishment”, but the Mesillas Yesharim says that fear of punishment is not true yirah, for true yirah is yiras haromemus, to have a sense of awe from Hashem’s exaltedness. Why then does the Torah speak more about fear of punishment and not about yiras haromemus?
ANSWER Refer to commentary of Kinas Sofrim on Sefer HaMitzvos which discusses this.
QUESTION 6) Is fear of punishment the way to get to yiras haromemus? Or can a person directly reach yiras haromemus even without first working on fear of punishment?
ANSWER If you are working your way upwards, begin from fear of punishment, and if you are beginning from the highest point and working your way downwards, begin from yiras haromemus. In any case, though, a person needs both levels of yirah – fear of punishment, and awe of Hashem’s exaltedness. It is only a question of which level a person should begin with.
QUESTION 7) How indeed do we reach yiras haromemus? What do we contemplate in order to reach it, and how much time does one need to think about it?
ANSWER The Rambam says to contemplate how great the Creator is, by seeing how wondrous the Creation is, and how great the Torah is, and how the Torah is the wisdom of the Creator. This contemplation should be done for a few minutes a day.
QUESTION 8) What should a person learning during Bein HaSedorim (in between study sessions during yeshiva)? To learn Daf Yomi, or to make a seder of learning with more b’iyun without trying to cover more ground? And if it should be iyun, what is called learning b’iyun?
ANSWER This is relative to each person.
QUESTION 9) How can a person have more cheishek (desire and enthusiasm) when serving Hashem, especially at times where he doesn’t feel that much cheishek?
ANSWER Always identify the cheishek that you do have, whether it’s a lot or a little. Then connect to the amount of cheishek that you currently have. In this way you can always have some cheishek, and it will be like “A fire shall burn constantly within me”, and you will be able to summon forth cheishek at times when you need to. At times you need to increase your cheishek through learning sefarim that make you excited, or through contemplating something, or through repeating pesukim (verses) with a loud voice, and sometimes in a weeping tone. It all depends on the situation.
QUESTION 10) For how much time a day should a person learn mussar?
ANSWER Between a half hour an hour a day.
QUESTION 11) What is a good sefer to learn on the Parsha?
ANSWER This is different for each individual.
QUESTION 12) The Rambam said that if one lives in a city of wicked people, he should go live in the deserted places, and the Chazon Ish said (in his times) that the yeshivos are considered like the “desert” to go live in today to be protected from the world. What about in today’s generation, where even in yeshivah a person needs to find a “desert” to escape to because there can be guys in yeshivah who are a bad influence? How can a person keep his distance from bad company in yeshiva if he’s around them all day? I think that ever since first grade, there are so many bad influences I’ve learned from others that I certainly was brought down from it. How should a person act with his friends in yeshivah in general?
ANSWER Find 1 or 2 friends who are close to your way of thinking – and then form a close, deep relationship with them. With everyone else, you just need to be respectful and pleasant towards them.
QUESTION 13) Does a person need to be with a chevra (a social circle of friends)? Or is this not really necessary?
ANSWER The world was created for companionship, and by our very human design, we need to connect with others. We need to become connected with our own self, and with others, and with the Torah, and with Hashem, and with the whole of Creation. Every person needs a balance between all of these different connections.
QUESTION 14) When learning Gemara, especially chazarah (reviewing), should a person first read the Gemara and try to understand and speak out every part of the Gemara to himself even if he already knows it? Or can he just read the Gemara and understand it mentally without ‘speaking it out’?
ANSWER The first time you are learning the Gemara, it is always better to explain it to yourself [verbally]. When it comes to reviewing one’s learning, though, every person is different.
QUESTION 15) Should a person avoid reading the various booklets of Divrei Torah (i.e. Parsha sheets or papers of chiddushei Torah) and instead just be focused on learning Gemara? Or maybe a person should read them so that he can get chizuk in his avodas Hashem?
ANSWER It’s better to get chizuk by learning an organized sefer where each chapter is based on the one before it. But sometimes a person needs to relax, so sometimes he needs to get chizuk from glancing every so often at weekly pamphlets of Divrei Torah.
QUESTION 16) What can a person do to better remember what he learns? I forget my learning very easily.
ANSWER The main thing is to become purified – the Hebrew word for “pure” is zach, equal to 27, the same amount as the 27 letters of the Aleph Beis, because through becoming “purified”, the letters of the Torah that one learns to leave an impression on him. Currently you should first try to understand well what you learn, then review what you learn, and also make sure to develop a love for the Torah in general and a love for knowledge of the Torah specifically.
QUESTION 17) Is there a concept of finishing Shas by a certain age (i.e. before the chasunah)?
ANSWER Yes.
QUESTION 18) Is it true that something is always either a mitzvah or an aveirah but there’s no such thing as something that’s “in between”, not a mitzvah and not an aveirah? And why does a person need to undergo the suffering of the “beating of the grave” for having enjoyed permissible desires, if those desires weren’t an aveirah?
ANSWER Since we have a mitzvah of “And you shall be holy”, we are supposed to separate ourselves even from permissible desires, as the Ramban explained. The “beating in the grave” is needed to purify a person even from permissible desires even if he needed to engage in those desires because he didn’t engage in those desires l’sheim shomayim – for example, times when he needed to eat, but he didn’t eat l’sheim shomayim.
QUESTION 19) If someone comes to me to tell me about a difficult situation he is having or he tells me something not good that happened to him, how should I react to him? Give him chizuk that it’s all for the good? Or to validate his pain and tell him I really feel for what you’re going through?
ANSWER First identify with him in his pain, and after that strengthen his emunah that everything that happens is all for the good.
QUESTION 20) Is it correct to say that the purpose of why we all came onto the world is to reveal the honor of Heaven?
ANSWER The purpose is the complete revelation of Hashem on the world, and part of it is to reveal the honor of Heaven.
QUESTION 21) How can we make Shabbos more elevated and to utilize it properly?
ANSWER To become intrinsically connected with what Shabbos is. It is recommended to learn sefer Shabbos Malkesa and sefer Daas Shabbos.
QUESTION 22) Is it okay to use Otzar HaChochmah even if it’s not connected to Internet, or should a person avoid this?
ANSWER It is permitted, but it is better to use it only when necessary, and that is especially true for younger bochurim.
QUESTION 23) The Mesillas Yesharim (231:2) quotes the practice of pious people who, before they would eat, they would say “I am going to eat in order to be healthy and strong to serve Hashem.” Should a person say this even if that’s not his intention?
ANSWER He should be aware that this is only partially his intention, and he should be aware that he has other intentions too when he eats. Then he should say that he is eating now to serve Hashem better, with intention that he wants this motivation to increase.
QUESTION 24) How can a person serve Hashem all the time with excitement?
ANSWER Most people do not have to serve Hashem with excitement all the time. A person usually needs to go back and forth, ratzu v’shov, between serving Hashem with excitement and serving Hashem calmly, in a cycle.
QUESTION 25) How can a person have both a love and fear of Hashem? If I love Hashem and I know that He loves me too, how can I be afraid of Him at the same time, if loving and fearing Him are a contradiction?
ANSWER It is like when a father loves his child, but he also has to punish sometimes. That is the attitude to have towards fear of punishment.
QUESTION 26) How can we firmly establish a feeling of loving Hashem on a constant basis?
ANSWER You may refer to the series of Maarrachot B’Ahavas Hashem.
QUESTION 27) When reviewing what I learn, what is the balance of how much to spend on first learning it and how much to spend on reviewing it?
ANSWER About an hour a day should be spent on reviewing what one learned, and one should also review during Bein HaZemanim, Erev Shabbos, and Shabbos.
QUESTION 28) The Shelah HaKadosh says that on Shabbos one should taste good food, does this mean to taste each of the foods on the Shabbos table or to just at a little more than the rest of the week?
ANSWER He should act according to his physical and emotional needs.
QUESTION 29) When a person sets aside time for hisbodedus, should he be davening for what he needs or should he be thanking Hashem for what he has? And does a person need to be totally alone when he does hisbodedus or can he do it around people?
ANSWER During hisbodedus a person should first thank Hashem for the past and then he should yell to Hashem about what he needs. It is possible to do hisbodedus when one is among others, but only if it is not recognizable to others and he is paying attention to others.
QUESTION 30) How can a person be very focused when he is learning and not get carried away in his mind about thinking about other things?
ANSWER He should stop trying to pressure himself to shut his mind out from everything. When his mind does wander, he should immediately return his thoughts again to what he was in middle of learning, and he not should think about the fact that he spaced out again.
ANSWER 31) I didn’t understand what the Rav said that before a person is about to start learning Gemara, he should think that he wants to connect his mind and heart to the true level of Torah. What is the true level of Torah?
ANSWER See Nefesh HaChaim shaar 4.
QUESTION 32) When others come to me to ask me questions while I’m learning, do I only need to answer them if I can easily return to my learning and not lose out on my own learning?
ANSWER Only if you can easily return to an inner calmness, to your personal share, and to your connection to Torah and to Hashem.
QUESTION 33) When a person makes a siyum on a Masechta he finished, does he need to make a Siyum publicly or can he do it alone? I’m shy to do things in public.
ANSWER Once every so often, make a Siyum publicly.
QUESTION 34) What are the “12 ways of serving Hashem”?
ANSWER That is a very expansive topic! Refer to the series of Rosh Chodesh (Avodah, Essence, Mazal, Tribe).
QUESTION 35) For a week, I practiced the avodah of thinking about how there is a Creator and there are His creations, after every half hour interval of the day. I felt how it was a really amazing kind of thought, but suddenly after the week was over I couldn’t remember it anymore, and even when I reminded myself of it, it felt dry and superficial. How can I make such thinking more exciting?
ANSWER Besides for that half-hour a day of daily contemplation, you also need to set aside daily time every day to talk Hashem simply and from the depth of your heart. Throughout the day as well, speak to Hashem mentally, and thanking Him and davening to Him, etc.
QUESTION 36) How can I feel like I’m standing in front of Hashem throughout all of Shemoneh Esrei? I can only think of it for half a minute and after that my mind wanders. And, how can I become more connected to davening?
ANSWER For now, this is enough, because if you try to grab too much you will only gain very little.
QUESTION 37) Is the Rav taking a certain path in avodas Hashem or is the Rav combining all the different paths together into one path? (And if it’s all a certain path in avodas Hashem, why did the Rav choose this particular path?)
ANSWER A combination of paths, which reveals a fundamental, root path.
QUESTION 38) Can a person be at peace with all of the ways of serving Hashem and take all of them? Or does each individual need to choose particular path in avodas Hashem that suits him?
ANSWER Each individual needs to choose the particular path in avodas Hashem that suits him.
QUESTION 39) What is the proper way to go about going to an Oneg Shabbos? How can a person know if he grew more in his ruchniyus from an Oneg Shabbos? How can a person know before he goes if he will grow from it or if he is just wasting him time going?
ANSWER Don’t examine every time. Instead, when Shabbos is over, try to discern if you grew or didn’t grow, from the Oneg Shabbos.
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