QUESTION:
Lately I feel a lot of darkness in my life. I found myself out of control and falling into all kinds of bad middos. Sometimes I get really lazy, sometimes I get really angry, sometimes I become really sad, and sometimes I find myself having inappropriate desires and all kinds of other bad middos. I feel like I’ve lost my inner balance.
I also feel that I’m missing the yiras shomayim that I used to have. I don’t know if my issue is that I lost my yiras shomayim and that I need to regain it, or if my issue is that I’ve become generally imbalanced and I need to get a balance in my soul. Or maybe my problem is that I’m not talking enough to Hashem about my problems. The wonder is that I think all the time about Hashem and how I can serve Him better. It’s just that lately I’m slackening off in keeping halachah properly. For example,
I don’t push myself to finish all of Shacharis or to go daven with a minyan, because I just want to be serene and calm and I don’t bother to exert myself to keep to a halachah. So lately I am lacking in basic yiras shomayim, and I find myself easily losing control of all my middos. I feel broken and I daven a lot to Hashem that He should return me to complete teshuvah, and I even cry about this sometimes, yet I still find myself in darkness. What does the Rav recommend me to do?
I also feel that I’m missing the yiras shomayim that I used to have. I don’t know if my issue is that I lost my yiras shomayim and that I need to regain it, or if my issue is that I’ve become generally imbalanced and I need to get a balance in my soul. Or maybe my problem is that I’m not talking enough to Hashem about my problems. The wonder is that I think all the time about Hashem and how I can serve Him better. It’s just that lately I’m slackening off in keeping halachah properly. For example,
I don’t push myself to finish all of Shacharis or to go daven with a minyan, because I just want to be serene and calm and I don’t bother to exert myself to keep to a halachah. So lately I am lacking in basic yiras shomayim, and I find myself easily losing control of all my middos. I feel broken and I daven a lot to Hashem that He should return me to complete teshuvah, and I even cry about this sometimes, yet I still find myself in darkness. What does the Rav recommend me to do?
ANSWER:
Take a few small points and work on them consistently. The main difficulty you are having is that you are being too excitable and reactive when you get emotional, and that causes you to lose your consistency.
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