QUESTION:
1) I have heard in the name of the Arizal that a wife is a “mirror” of her husband, meaning that he can identify his own faults when he sees his wife’s faults. What is the source for this? 2) Also, what’s the proper way to go about this, how does one see his own faults in his wife’s faults?
ANSWER:
1) Arizal Shaar Hakdamos 47a and 81a, Shaar HaPesukim: Shemos, Otzros Chaim shaar Zu”N, Shaar HaYichudim 1, Eitz Chaim 6:5, 8:5, 28:4, 29:81, 47:6. And in many other places as well.
2) The Baal Shem Tov taught a rule that any fault which one sees in his wife specifically or in others in general is really a sign that the person himself either has that fault or has something similar to the fault which he notices in the other person.
However, if a person is looking all day and all the time at others’ faults, then he will only see the faults of others and he won’t see his own faults. So a person should only limit this kind of thinking only to very big faults that he notices [and to realize that he either has that fault or has some issue similar to that fault], or, to only think about the fault he sees in others if there’s a particular fault that he’s currently trying to improve in [and by seeing the fault in others which he is trying to work on, he will be motivated to work on himself in that area].
2) The Baal Shem Tov taught a rule that any fault which one sees in his wife specifically or in others in general is really a sign that the person himself either has that fault or has something similar to the fault which he notices in the other person.
However, if a person is looking all day and all the time at others’ faults, then he will only see the faults of others and he won’t see his own faults. So a person should only limit this kind of thinking only to very big faults that he notices [and to realize that he either has that fault or has some issue similar to that fault], or, to only think about the fault he sees in others if there’s a particular fault that he’s currently trying to improve in [and by seeing the fault in others which he is trying to work on, he will be motivated to work on himself in that area].
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