Question:
1- Is it possible for me to receive general guidance [from the Rav] on the topic of shidduchim [finding a spouse]? What are the important things I need to place emphasis on, when I am doing research, and when I am on a date? What is the spiritual perspective I need to have, and what are the appropriate feelings and compatibility that a couple require? 2- On a related note, our generation faces a challenge in the area of shidduchim, where many people of marriageable age aren’t finding their mate. What is the general source of this issue? Is it happening due to a general reason, or are there several reasons for the phenomenon? And what do we need to work on, so that we can remove these obstacles that are preventing marriage?Answer:
There must be similar compatibility between them, in terms of their spiritual goals. Or, there should be at least be a certain level of dedication [on the woman’s part] to the husband’s spiritual development. That is the case for most people. Ideally, one needs to look for a spouse who is compatible in terms of fine character. However, the more inner that a person becomes, the more heshe is able to recognize that there are certain aspects of personality and character traits [in the other spouse] which will require one to work hard at accepting, and that one will need to connect to the other spouse and deal with the inevitable faults that are found. For on This World, the important thing is to work hard [at refining our character], and we can’t only look for comfort, which is superficial. [Because when we are only searching to be comfortable], such a desire comes from the lowly “world of disparity”, where there is spiritual defilement that separates a person from purity and emunah.
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