Question:
I need advice from the Rav about how to handle my 5-year old son. Baruch Hashem, we have merited a son who has many qualities. But this past year, his behavior has taken a turn for the worse. We have three children and he is the second child between two daughters). At first we simply thought he likes to be very competitive with others, in all areas. For example, he would get up first in the morning so he could be the first one dressed. He would also make sure he is first to take a bath at night. In any area, he always wanted to be the first. We were not aware to what extent his competitiveness went, though. At the end of this year’s school period we received his report card, and it said that he didn’t behave well. He had much more opportunities to be competitive with all the other children. At school, he was lifting up chairs to threaten the other kids and make them scared, when he would get angry at them. Lately in the house he also hasn’t been treating his two sisters well. He gets angry over the smallest issues and he starts screaming and hitting them.
I would be happy to receive advice from the Rav on how we can be helped in our situation.
Answer:
1. Think about what could be causing these changes in your child’s behavior. When you get to the root reason that is causing the issues, then you can deal with the root of the issue.
2. Increase your love towards him. Give him plenty of hugs, and show other signs of love to him.
3. Create an atmosphere of humor with him, in the proper balance, so that you can decrease the tension in the atmosphere with him.
4. On one hand you need to show parental authority towards him, but you also need to form a friendly relationship with him. That is how the Chofetz Chaim acted towards his children.
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