BURNT OUT IN LEARNING [#18422]

About 2 and a half years ago I went through a “period” which caused me to have a lot of emotional issues and even physical aches. During all that time, I was actually in yeshiva, but I wasted most of my time and I wasn’t really doing anything with my life. Now Baruch Hashem my situation is a lot better and I can learn for most of the sedarim in yeshiva. My first issue, though, is that part of the reason which caused to me to go through my dismal period was because I was feeling that I wasn’t achieving any clarity or understanding in my learning, and even if I felt like I was understanding it, I didn’t cover that many pages of Gemara, so I felt like I wasn’t achieving anything with my learning, and that problem still exists by me. My second issue, which is a much bigger issue for me, is that I keep remembering all of the emotional pain that I had when I wasn’t achieving enough in my learning. Because of my frustration, I had a hard time staying interested in my learning and this was also preventing me from connecting to Hashem. These issues are really hard on me. Can the Rav give me advice and encouragement which will be of great help to me? Thank you so much.

Learn a section of Gemara and orally make for yourself a clear summary of what you just learned, and if you find writing it effective, then write it instead. Learn in a way that’s close to your soul and which you get satisfaction from. The main thing that is needed for you is to gain an inner connection to the holy Torah, and it is not about “how much” you are learning. Any struggle that you have in learning, and any amount of success you have in your learning, even if it’s a very small amount of success, is very precious to Hashem, which causes Him to rejoice in you and in your successes. It is upon you to feel that your Father, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, loves you very much, and that He is happy with you at all times, like a father who is happy to spend time with His beloved sin.
Get up and strengthen yourself! Rise and succeed! With joy, and with gladness of heart!