QUESTION:
If a person feels on giving up at succeeding in his Torah learning and in his avodas Hashem in life, how can he overcome this problem and succeed, with Hashem’s help?
ANSWER:
1. First, let us analyze what brings a person to despair, generally and briefly, and then we can get further into the details.
A person begins his way in life in general, and his Torah learning and Avodas Hashem specifically, with a certain ratzon (will) to succeed and reach his goals – each person on his own level. A person’s ratzon (will) keeps his motivated to reach his goals. When a person begins to see that in spite of his efforts, he is still not reaching the goal he’s trying to reach, and that he’s not even getting close to it – at least according to the way he sees reality – his soul slowly begins to feel, more and more, that it’s impossible to reach his goals. Gradually, his motivation to invest effort is weakened. As a person continues like this, with disappointment following another disappointment, the negative feelings become strengthened, to the point that one’s soul perceives that this has become reality, and the person reaches the conclusion that “I do not have the ability to attain whatever I wanted.” In other words, he despairs. He feels that he isn’t able to invest his energies anymore in his goals, and on a more subtle level, he has stopped wanting to reach those goals.
Understandably, the degree which is this felt on will depend on how much he has given up. Usually, people do not give up totally. This is especially the case if a person is still seeking advice on how he can succeed – the very fact that he is seeking advice is an indication that he hasn’t given up totally on succeeding.
Before we delve further into your specific case, let us first establish the fundamental point that is behind the approach here. An established fundamental is that every person has his own personal share in Torah and in serving Hashem. More specifically, every person has his “general” share in Torah and in serving Hashem, and every person also his “individual” share based on the time and spiritual level he is at. A person is also given the tools and the abilities to reach his personal share. On a deeper level, when one utilizes his potential abilities, that is precisely his personal share. Therefore, one’s task on this world is to put in effort, and clearly he is given the ability to reach his own personal share and to give of himself entirely for this.
2. Now we will get to explaining the other factors which our general avodah consists of, so that one can know how to clarify and understand exactly what the source of feeling despair is, and the root of how to rectify it. The factors in rectifying despair are: (1) One’s ratzon (will) to reach his goals. (2) The exertion and effort that one needs to put it in order to reach his goals. This also includes praying to Hashem for success. (3) The way of avodah which one needs to take. (4) The goal itself which a person is striving for.
As it will soon be explained, if one of the above factors is deficient, it will mean that a person is off-track and that his actions are not aligned in accordance with his actual capabilities and current level. This will lead him towards despair from reaching his goals. Let us now delve into each of these factors.
The factors of ratzon (will) and striving towards goals are two factors that are intertwined with each other. This is because one’s ratzon (will) thrives on trying to reach a certain goal, as mentioned before, that the ratzon is the motivating force in the soul which leads one towards reaching his goals. A person is able to set all kinds of different goals for himself. Some of a person’s goals are not proper to pursue, and these are goals which stem from an impaired place in one’s soul. Other goals are worthy to pursue, and these are goals which will want to reach, but one must understand that even when it comes to such worthy goals, this doesn’t yet mean that it is good for this particular person. For him, it may not be good. This point is where many people err. When people want to serve Hashem better, they met set goals for themselves which are unrealistic, according to their personal nature. For example, a person may have seen that others succeeding in reaching a certain spiritual goal, or he may have read in a sefer that there is a certain quality to aspire for, and he is under the impression that he must reflect that goal in his own personal avodah as well, without first thinking if that goal or quality is appropriate for him to pursue right now.
One of the detrimental results that this will lead to is despair. The person wants to reach a certain goal which isn’t appropriate for him right now to pursue, and he will try to expend all of his energies in trying to reach that goal. Even if he tries very hard, he will not succeed in reaching that goal, if he doesn’t have the capabilities for it right now. Understandably, this will cause him to despair from succeeding in his avodas Hashem. This is all because he has tried to reach a goal which he isn’t realistic for him right now to pursue. He has entered into an endeavor which was, to begin with, a path that would ultimately lead him to disappointment and despair. (It should be noted that usually a person doesn’t despair from a mistake like this that only happens once. Rather, a person tries in one area and tries in another area, without seeing success, until he eventually gets a general feeling that he can’t succeed in avodas Hashem). Sometimes, this happens is lacking in his ratzon.
Whatever was explained earlier regarding attaining one’s ratzon and goals, will also apply to this, the approach of one’s avodah. Even if a person’s motivations and goals are worthy for him to pursue, if he doesn’t go about in a way that is healthy for his soul, he will not succeed, and he is prone to have despair because of it. There are many people who don’t succeed in avodas Hashem because they were lacking proper direction to begin with. They didn’t have a way of how to attain what they want. Rather, they acted on inspiration alone, and they immediately tried to fulfill any practical advice which they learned about or heard about, in the hope that that this would give them a “small opening like the size of a needle” to open for them an “opening the size of an entranceway” [they hoped that their efforts would lead to assistance from Heaven]. But one cannot really succeed in this way. Such an approach will not help, whether it comes to material goals and certainly when it comes to spiritual goals.
Even in people who are able to organize for themselves an approach and how to do it, the goals will not be attained when they are pursued in a way that is not stable or consistent. These factors prevent people from progressing.
Additionally, there are also those who don’t have an appropriate approach in their avodas Hashem to begin with – they are taking a path which isn’t suitable for them.
Now we shall address the second aspect mentioned: the exertion that one needs to put in, to attain his goals. It is clear and simple that even if a person has a strong will to succeed and he also has a good approach to work with, if he doesn’t try hard enough – whether due to laziness or other reasons – he will not reach his goals. As Chazal state, “If someone says “I didn’t try but I still found success”, do not believe him. Sometimes a person does not understand that he needs to try hard and also daven for success. After trying only a little bit, without seeing success, he becomes disappointed that he isn’t yet finding success, and he gives up from trying further. On the other end of the spectrum are those who put in great effort, physically and mentally and emotionally, in an extreme way, and they often over-do themselves. Then they become broken and depressed. In any case, if one overdoes himself or if one tries too little, he will be prevented from succeeding, and this can bring him to despair.
As for davening for success, it is explained about at length in the words of Chazal and throughout many sefarim that a person needs to daven for success, but what is usually missing is the internalization in one’s heart of how much one needs to daven. One must always remember that by truly praying from the depths of one’s heart to reach his personal share in Torah and in avodas Hashem, his prayers are certainly accepted. Even more so, “the gates of tears never close”.
Before continuing, let’s emphasize the general point of all the words until now. It is clear to everyone that lack of success brings a person to despair. We have had to elaborate here at length about different points which can be the reason for lack of success, and this is because when a person understands that the reason he didn’t succeed in the past is not because he can’t succeed and because he doesn’t have the tools or talents to reach anything in learning Torah or in avodas Hashem, but probably because he entered into his efforts with a skewed approach that didn’t allow him to truly succeed. From this point onward, one can know how to approach his avodas Hashem properly.
3. Let’s also mention another two points, briefly, which can also be a reason for lack of success.
One factor that prevent success in avodas Hashem is, because any point of avodas Hashem takes time to acquire. It is always a gradual process, step after step, and each step is a ‘stepstool’ for the step after it. Many times when a person doesn’t pay attention to the small steps he is taking and to the steps which he has so far acquired, he gives up from what he’s working on, and as time goes on, he discontinues his work entirely. Also, when a person wants to see “quick” results and he doesn’t succeed in getting it quickly enough, it seems to him that he cannot acquire it, so he gives up.
Another factor that prevents a person from success in avodas Hashem is when a person has certain unrefined middos which are getting in the way. Every person has some middos which he hasn’t yet repaired, and it his lifelong work to work on those unrefined middos. But sometimes it is not a bad middah getting in his way, it can be a very good middah, but it isn’t balanced. An imbalanced quality of a person can ruin all of one’s avodas Hashem and prevent one from progressing and succeeding, even if one is trying very hard. Sometimes a person’s bad middah can directly get in the way of one’s avodas Hashem – for example, if a person has a very strong will to receive honor for his Torah learning or from his progress in avodas Hashem. Sometimes a person can be swayed by outside factors, such as a desire for money, which is one of the traits that remove a person from his inner world.
4. You have asked a very general question and therefore we have attempted here to open the discussion from several angles, and understandably, there is more to say. The point of all this was to help people in this situation [of despair from Torah learning and success in avodas Hashem], to identify where the root of despair is coming from, in their personal situation, and so that one can know what exactly he needs to deal with, in order to succeed. This should all be accompanied with the clear understanding that it is within reach of every person to reach his personal share [in Torah learning and avodas Hashem], and, understandably, with siyata d’shmaya (assistance from Heaven). One needs to try according to his current capabilities and according to his current spiritual level, to progress step-by-step, gradually and patiently, amidst joy and gratitude to Hashem on whatever one has already merited until now. One should also desire to progress further, with prayer to succeed and to come closer to his personal share, as we pray each day, ותן חלקנו בתורתך – “And give us our portion in Your Torah.”
A person begins his way in life in general, and his Torah learning and Avodas Hashem specifically, with a certain ratzon (will) to succeed and reach his goals – each person on his own level. A person’s ratzon (will) keeps his motivated to reach his goals. When a person begins to see that in spite of his efforts, he is still not reaching the goal he’s trying to reach, and that he’s not even getting close to it – at least according to the way he sees reality – his soul slowly begins to feel, more and more, that it’s impossible to reach his goals. Gradually, his motivation to invest effort is weakened. As a person continues like this, with disappointment following another disappointment, the negative feelings become strengthened, to the point that one’s soul perceives that this has become reality, and the person reaches the conclusion that “I do not have the ability to attain whatever I wanted.” In other words, he despairs. He feels that he isn’t able to invest his energies anymore in his goals, and on a more subtle level, he has stopped wanting to reach those goals.
Understandably, the degree which is this felt on will depend on how much he has given up. Usually, people do not give up totally. This is especially the case if a person is still seeking advice on how he can succeed – the very fact that he is seeking advice is an indication that he hasn’t given up totally on succeeding.
Before we delve further into your specific case, let us first establish the fundamental point that is behind the approach here. An established fundamental is that every person has his own personal share in Torah and in serving Hashem. More specifically, every person has his “general” share in Torah and in serving Hashem, and every person also his “individual” share based on the time and spiritual level he is at. A person is also given the tools and the abilities to reach his personal share. On a deeper level, when one utilizes his potential abilities, that is precisely his personal share. Therefore, one’s task on this world is to put in effort, and clearly he is given the ability to reach his own personal share and to give of himself entirely for this.
2. Now we will get to explaining the other factors which our general avodah consists of, so that one can know how to clarify and understand exactly what the source of feeling despair is, and the root of how to rectify it. The factors in rectifying despair are: (1) One’s ratzon (will) to reach his goals. (2) The exertion and effort that one needs to put it in order to reach his goals. This also includes praying to Hashem for success. (3) The way of avodah which one needs to take. (4) The goal itself which a person is striving for.
As it will soon be explained, if one of the above factors is deficient, it will mean that a person is off-track and that his actions are not aligned in accordance with his actual capabilities and current level. This will lead him towards despair from reaching his goals. Let us now delve into each of these factors.
The factors of ratzon (will) and striving towards goals are two factors that are intertwined with each other. This is because one’s ratzon (will) thrives on trying to reach a certain goal, as mentioned before, that the ratzon is the motivating force in the soul which leads one towards reaching his goals. A person is able to set all kinds of different goals for himself. Some of a person’s goals are not proper to pursue, and these are goals which stem from an impaired place in one’s soul. Other goals are worthy to pursue, and these are goals which will want to reach, but one must understand that even when it comes to such worthy goals, this doesn’t yet mean that it is good for this particular person. For him, it may not be good. This point is where many people err. When people want to serve Hashem better, they met set goals for themselves which are unrealistic, according to their personal nature. For example, a person may have seen that others succeeding in reaching a certain spiritual goal, or he may have read in a sefer that there is a certain quality to aspire for, and he is under the impression that he must reflect that goal in his own personal avodah as well, without first thinking if that goal or quality is appropriate for him to pursue right now.
One of the detrimental results that this will lead to is despair. The person wants to reach a certain goal which isn’t appropriate for him right now to pursue, and he will try to expend all of his energies in trying to reach that goal. Even if he tries very hard, he will not succeed in reaching that goal, if he doesn’t have the capabilities for it right now. Understandably, this will cause him to despair from succeeding in his avodas Hashem. This is all because he has tried to reach a goal which he isn’t realistic for him right now to pursue. He has entered into an endeavor which was, to begin with, a path that would ultimately lead him to disappointment and despair. (It should be noted that usually a person doesn’t despair from a mistake like this that only happens once. Rather, a person tries in one area and tries in another area, without seeing success, until he eventually gets a general feeling that he can’t succeed in avodas Hashem). Sometimes, this happens is lacking in his ratzon.
Whatever was explained earlier regarding attaining one’s ratzon and goals, will also apply to this, the approach of one’s avodah. Even if a person’s motivations and goals are worthy for him to pursue, if he doesn’t go about in a way that is healthy for his soul, he will not succeed, and he is prone to have despair because of it. There are many people who don’t succeed in avodas Hashem because they were lacking proper direction to begin with. They didn’t have a way of how to attain what they want. Rather, they acted on inspiration alone, and they immediately tried to fulfill any practical advice which they learned about or heard about, in the hope that that this would give them a “small opening like the size of a needle” to open for them an “opening the size of an entranceway” [they hoped that their efforts would lead to assistance from Heaven]. But one cannot really succeed in this way. Such an approach will not help, whether it comes to material goals and certainly when it comes to spiritual goals.
Even in people who are able to organize for themselves an approach and how to do it, the goals will not be attained when they are pursued in a way that is not stable or consistent. These factors prevent people from progressing.
Additionally, there are also those who don’t have an appropriate approach in their avodas Hashem to begin with – they are taking a path which isn’t suitable for them.
Now we shall address the second aspect mentioned: the exertion that one needs to put in, to attain his goals. It is clear and simple that even if a person has a strong will to succeed and he also has a good approach to work with, if he doesn’t try hard enough – whether due to laziness or other reasons – he will not reach his goals. As Chazal state, “If someone says “I didn’t try but I still found success”, do not believe him. Sometimes a person does not understand that he needs to try hard and also daven for success. After trying only a little bit, without seeing success, he becomes disappointed that he isn’t yet finding success, and he gives up from trying further. On the other end of the spectrum are those who put in great effort, physically and mentally and emotionally, in an extreme way, and they often over-do themselves. Then they become broken and depressed. In any case, if one overdoes himself or if one tries too little, he will be prevented from succeeding, and this can bring him to despair.
As for davening for success, it is explained about at length in the words of Chazal and throughout many sefarim that a person needs to daven for success, but what is usually missing is the internalization in one’s heart of how much one needs to daven. One must always remember that by truly praying from the depths of one’s heart to reach his personal share in Torah and in avodas Hashem, his prayers are certainly accepted. Even more so, “the gates of tears never close”.
Before continuing, let’s emphasize the general point of all the words until now. It is clear to everyone that lack of success brings a person to despair. We have had to elaborate here at length about different points which can be the reason for lack of success, and this is because when a person understands that the reason he didn’t succeed in the past is not because he can’t succeed and because he doesn’t have the tools or talents to reach anything in learning Torah or in avodas Hashem, but probably because he entered into his efforts with a skewed approach that didn’t allow him to truly succeed. From this point onward, one can know how to approach his avodas Hashem properly.
3. Let’s also mention another two points, briefly, which can also be a reason for lack of success.
One factor that prevent success in avodas Hashem is, because any point of avodas Hashem takes time to acquire. It is always a gradual process, step after step, and each step is a ‘stepstool’ for the step after it. Many times when a person doesn’t pay attention to the small steps he is taking and to the steps which he has so far acquired, he gives up from what he’s working on, and as time goes on, he discontinues his work entirely. Also, when a person wants to see “quick” results and he doesn’t succeed in getting it quickly enough, it seems to him that he cannot acquire it, so he gives up.
Another factor that prevents a person from success in avodas Hashem is when a person has certain unrefined middos which are getting in the way. Every person has some middos which he hasn’t yet repaired, and it his lifelong work to work on those unrefined middos. But sometimes it is not a bad middah getting in his way, it can be a very good middah, but it isn’t balanced. An imbalanced quality of a person can ruin all of one’s avodas Hashem and prevent one from progressing and succeeding, even if one is trying very hard. Sometimes a person’s bad middah can directly get in the way of one’s avodas Hashem – for example, if a person has a very strong will to receive honor for his Torah learning or from his progress in avodas Hashem. Sometimes a person can be swayed by outside factors, such as a desire for money, which is one of the traits that remove a person from his inner world.
4. You have asked a very general question and therefore we have attempted here to open the discussion from several angles, and understandably, there is more to say. The point of all this was to help people in this situation [of despair from Torah learning and success in avodas Hashem], to identify where the root of despair is coming from, in their personal situation, and so that one can know what exactly he needs to deal with, in order to succeed. This should all be accompanied with the clear understanding that it is within reach of every person to reach his personal share [in Torah learning and avodas Hashem], and, understandably, with siyata d’shmaya (assistance from Heaven). One needs to try according to his current capabilities and according to his current spiritual level, to progress step-by-step, gradually and patiently, amidst joy and gratitude to Hashem on whatever one has already merited until now. One should also desire to progress further, with prayer to succeed and to come closer to his personal share, as we pray each day, ותן חלקנו בתורתך – “And give us our portion in Your Torah.”
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